


I never worry, life is a journey

by catnip_wentworth



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Bad Parenting, Canon Compliant, Eating Disorders, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Family Issues, Protests, attempts at good parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-31
Updated: 2015-07-31
Packaged: 2018-04-10 23:06:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4411400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catnip_wentworth/pseuds/catnip_wentworth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a look at Roxy Lalonde's life</p>
            </blockquote>





	I never worry, life is a journey

**Author's Note:**

  * For [C Square (Emiko842)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emiko842/gifts).



> I'm super sorry if it's not quite what you wanted, I tried, and I hope my never ending love for Lalondes shows through.

 

       December 10th 1989

 

this protest is killing my feet, why did I wear heels to this thing again? ah yes because “A Lady Must Always Look Her Best” ugh why did I get that stuck in my head? fuck you very much mother, auntie, and grandma. it’s also seriously freezing, I don't even think we’re getting our point across here, it’s important and they aren’t listening and I might just flip out if some- wait a damn minute are those sirens? did they call the cops? crap, I can’t be here, can’t get caught, I bump one of my girls and tell her I’ve got to go.She makes a sympathetic face, smooches my cheek and tells me not to run, no matter what, I tell her I’ll be as safe as I can and that I’ll see her at the dorm tonight. She makes a sad face and says that she's’ not leaving I nod . I make way towards an alley that appears to be police free and I walk slowly and deliberately not looking back, when I make to the end of the alley a police car whizzes past I’m stuck standing there terrified that it will come back, or another will pass by and automatically assume I’m one of the protesters a street over.No other cop cars pass me by while I’m standing there. I walk up to a cross walk and try to choose a path for the rest of my evening, straight back to the dorm could be disastrous, I’m like a year  minus eight days too young for a bar, I could always take a taxi around a couple times, I have the money.

“Roxy, are you okay?” a man’s voice, why does a man know my name. I turn to look at who it is, Jonah,  oh cieux cléments douces, this boy.

“not really, help a sister out? I gotta look like I’m not trying to look like I wasn’t just at a protest that the police were called to.” I slyly wrap my arm around his.

“Roxy, a good way to avoid these situations is to not get into them in the first place.” he puts his hand over mine on his arm and starts walking, he’s still talking and it’s rumbling really nicely and wait was that just a question?

“--,but anyway, are you hungry?” oh, this boy.

“not really but I should probably…” 

“okay we can go over to my mothers.”

“um, you sure?”

“yes, she actually likes you quite a lot, she’s just well, herself.”

“wait are we close enough to walk.”

“not really, but I think if you’re trying to look like you’re not trying to hide from the cops, we should probably walk a few more blocks in any direction before waving down a cab.” THIS BOY.

“okay” he starts walking and talking and he’s making a bunch of turns and he sounds like he’s just talking about how his day was, and its sounds really cute, Mr. I Am So Done With High School. 

“okay, cab time sweetheart.” ugh quit being so damn cute will you? kay thanks. I’m tryin to hold on to that thing I had for D-stri in high school, but fine I guess I can have a thing for you at the same time- oh he got a cab while I was monologuing great A+ boyfriend material here. like whoa the most boyfriend-y thing strider ever did for me was not laugh at my prom dress. Jonah opens the cab door and gently shoves me in, very gently more like a gentle leading hand on my mid back, and then gets in after me.

Jonah is shaking my shoulder, weirrrd, oh I fell asleep and we’re here now, ha, okay. He hands money to the cabbie, hey I was gonna do that! never mind, I’ll let him pay, I’ll get us a movie or something later. We walk up his porch to the door, and he opens it, damn what a gentleman, okay no longer interested in dirk like that, I mean he’s not into me that way anyway oops, ooh Mrs. Egbert's cooking always smells so good, and she gives me portions fit for a 20 year old not a 6 year old.

“Jonah, who did you bring home this time?”

“just Roxy, Mom.” Jane comes into the living room smiling warmly, I know it’s actually my family she has problems with, and the way they treat me, and how they treat her and Jonah, but sometimes it feels like it's me she's angry with. I wish my mother was like her more.

“hello Roxy, how is your day going?”

“cold…” I feel bad giving such a short answer but she comes up to me and hugs me anyway, she so short, how’d Jonah get so tall?

“you’re hungry.” she doesn’t even ask anymore she just knows, Jane gently  leads me into the kitchen. She quickly makes me a cup of tea, and pushes me towards a chair.

“you sit down and wait for diner, you can stay as long as you want.” she goes back to fiddling with the pots on the stove, swiftly pops open the oven, she’s making roast chicken it’s smells better than anything mother could ever make.

“of course Mrs.Egbert” she looks over her shoulder at and I smile over my tea cup, she raises an eyebrow.

“either call me Jane or mom, please, you make me feel so old when you call me Mrs.Egbert.” she laughs and her skin crinkles at the corners of her eyes, she is still so beautiful, she has wonderful coppery skin and silky black hair to her waist, I really wish she was my actual mother.

“no problem Jane” I giggle and Jonah walks into the kitchen.

“Mom what lies are you telling her?”

“none dear, just telling her how cute you were when I would bathe you”

“Moooooooom!”

“Jonah honestly she didn’t tell me anything”

“uh-huh I believe that”

“I’m going to go take of my shoes, and coat” I set my tea cup down and go back into the living room, their phone rings. 

“hello?” Jane speaks into the phone.

“yes she’s here”

“I have no idea what you are talking about”

“no she isn't sleeping with my son”

“I don't care what you think about me and my son”

“the way you treat Roxy is abysmal”

“No you may have re-named her to be Roxxanna but she has chosen Roxy”

“here she is” Jane hands the phone to me her knuckles are white around it.

“hey Mother”

“you will come home this instant”

“no I’m out having fun and you can’t stop me”

“fine you’re out of my house, this is the final straw I have raised you like my blood and what do I get back for it? this blatant disrespect. I raised you better than this, and that egbert woman has poisoned you against me” all of my blood drains from my face and both Jonah and Jane go to grab my hand.

“fuck you too mommy” I hand the phone back to Jane and we can hear her screaming at me.

“I can crash here for a bit right?”

 

  December4th 1995

 

“No I don't particularly care what your findings on that black hole are, did you see those temporal anomalies this morning? that is sooo much more important than whatever the space-y bathtub drain is doing!” I’m walking up my driveway and some nincompoop from the lab is really fraying my nerves. as I approach my house I notice smoke rising from my backyard.

“Phillip or whatever I’m having an emergency. shut up.” I flip my phone closed on him telling me what his actual name is and why I really should be paying attention to the new black hole. what-ev-errr. run the rest of the way to my front door unlock it toss my purse and lab coat on the sofa and run through the house to the back door. I toss open the door and there in my backyard is crater, as I approach I hear a child wailing. I slid down the craters edge and sitting there perfectly in the middle of this mansion sized hole is a child in diaper and with the prettiest violet blue eyes, baby eyes sure are weird, she’ll probably have something lame when she grows up, I mean maybe, in the right light my eyes look highlighter pink so. I scoop her up and try to climb back out of the crater, it's messy and by the time I’m up we are both covered in dirt and I’m all sweaty. I go back into my house and kick off my shoes, man I really need to not wear heels all the time. I set her down on the counter and call Jane.

“Jane I just found a baby in a crater.”

“you too huh?”

“WHAT” I really hope I didn't hurt her ears. oops.

“yeah Jake just called the other day and said he found a little cutie”

“Mr. Harley?!”

“yes dear”

“holy shit”

“according to my parents they had also found me in crater”

“WHAT?!!!!!” I need to stop yelling little old ladies through the phone…

“yep, you were too.”

“okay stop”

“how do I take care of a baby?”

“okay dear let me explain"

 

December 4th 2000

 

“happy birthday Rosie!!” I pick her up and spin her around excitedly, she giggles at me and wiggles her cute little baby arms.

“Mom what did you get meeeee???”

“the best thing ever dearest flower” I’ve set her down and I put my hand on her cheek and smile the way Jane smiles at me and Jonah. I pick up her present and hand it to her,she tears excitedly into the paper, bright pink background with black kittens, and reaches into the box and pulls out a lavender squiddle.

“what is this for?” she almost shoves it into my nose.

“it’s from a cartoon”

“I don’t watch cartoons mom”

“oh well”

“you’re silly”

“would you like to open the rest of your presents?”

“duh”

 

         2005

 

“Rosie I made dinner, would you like some?”

“yeah sure in a bit mom”

“okay sweetie it’ll be at your place at the table”

“fine”

it’s cold before she comes down, I’ve eaten my whole portion, and slid a little more onto her plate, I down another glass of wine, and put her plate into the microwave, and leave a note at her spot, I mix myself another drink. I take one sip of it and it tastes like fire, I pour into the drain. I put a frame around her note. I make more spaghetti sauce and noodles and then put them into Tupperware, I’ve finished another bottle while cleaning out the fridge. I put the new food into the fridge.

I hope my rose isn’t comparing her body to mine she’s only ten but five foot even and getting taller every day,but she barely weighs a hundred pounds soaking wet, I think I hear her foot steps, I’ll just leave the kitchen now. I stand and watch her come into the kitchen, she looks at her setting and scoffs, pushes it aside and goes to the microwave she pops it open and looks at it, it feels like she's just looking into the microwave for hours, she closes the door and hits it to go for 3 minutes, that probably won't be enough time to make it hot all the way through. at the end she pulls it out and sits at my spot, her back to me,she sits with her hands folded in her lap for another long while, and then eats a few bites, I walk away to go vacuum. I love her, and I want her to be happy, but I have no idea how to talk to her.

 

later I hear her go upstairs, her door opens then shuts, then opens and shuts again, she stops across the upstairs hall and slam the bathroom door. I go into the kitchen her plate is in the sink with most of the food still on it, did she not like it? was it too much food? was she just not hungry? I’m so worried about her.

“Jonah I don't think Rose is eating as much as she should be.”

“Ask her”

“I don’t know how to talk to her”

“just make her some tea and start a conversation, she does like tea right?”

“okay I’ll try that” while rose is in the shower I make a pot of tea, the nice earl gray she really likes and I sit at the table waiting for the water to turn off, it doesn't for almost two hours, I was actually watching the clock this time. when it does I made another pot and sat back down, she comes down the stairs in her bathrobe.

“mom what are you doing?”

“I made you tea”

“yes why?”

“wanted to talk?”

“really?”

“yes”

“about”

“your eating habits”

“I wasn’t hungry, and I don't really like meat, mom”

“oh, but i never see you eat”

“you’re never paying attention when I am then.”

“would you like some tea before bed?”

“no”

“okay, goodnight Rosie”

“night mom”

 

April 14th 2009

 

I am going to help them win, these crazy sky children are going to win this game if it kills me. I love Rose, and I like what I know of the others, they are family, and I will protect them. I’m pretty sure I’m hurtling towards my doom, but I don't care, I’m doing this for love and family and guilt. I am a terrible parent, and rose deserved someone like Jane, I did my best but still failed her. I tried I tried to be a good mother and when that failed I tried to be a fun mother and now that I’ve failed being every sort of mother, I will die being a mother who help her daughter survive. Jonah and I are going to help.Jack noir shows up, we try to fight back he wins, My blood is pooling, and mixing with Jonah’s.

“Jonah, I’m sorry”

“it was already written out for us”

“I wish I had been brave enough to tell her how much I love her.”

**Author's Note:**

> bonus chapters in the works


End file.
